I Am a Better Person and Partner Since I Adopted a Dog
I never expected my dog to teach me lessons about being human.
One random workday, I saw an ad for Petfinder on my computer, a service that animal shelters and adoption centers use to connect listed animals with potential new owners.
As I casually scrolled down the pet profile page of my local shelter, a pair of huge ears caught my eye.
An emaciated dog in a carefully-coordinated bow tie was looking at me, and he seemed to stare into my soul. He was smiling.
His name was Emmett, and to be completely honest, he looked like a total ham. I considered moving right along the page because I had no intention of adopting a dog at the moment.
My eyes locked with his photo again. A soft voice in my head urged me to exit the page.
An even louder voice said, “That’s your dog.”
That was it. I remember hearing the same voice when I met George, my fiancé. Okay, George isn’t a dog, but you get where I am going with this — when you know, you know.
I took Emmett home that Sunday. His emaciated frame curled into a ball on a towel in my car as Elton John played on the radio. He seemed unsure of me, but he wasn’t frightened. He knew he was going to a better home than the kill shelter.
As soon as we got to my apartment, he walked heavily toward my living room, jumped onto my couch, and immediately fell asleep. I realized then that my Rooms-To-Go sofa was probably the softest surface he’d ever slept on. I also realized that I would do anything to give my new best friend the home he deserved.
My dog made my apartment a home.
My parents divorced when I was 12, so the concept of home changed a lot between then and now. I lived with my mother until I went to college, and then I lived a very bohemian lifestyle in New York with my roommates. I came back to Louisiana to start law school, and I got my own place shortly after passing the bar. Each of the places I lived in had its own charm, but nothing ever felt like home.
Even though my understanding of “home” changed a few times, I told myself that Emmett presumably never had one at all. The shelter told me that he was found as a stray and that his undeniably friendly nature and cute face just came with the territory. Part of me yearned to know more about Emmett’s history, but it didn’t matter. I knew instantly that I would love him forever.
As it turns out, having a cattle dog/jack russell terrier/ border collie mix in a small apartment is quite difficult. Emmett is a working-breed dog, which means he needs a lot of physical activity to suppress destructive tendencies. He destroyed many pillows, towels, toys, clothes, and other belongings in the months after his adoption. Emmett had to be treated for tapeworm, kennel cough, and have a growth on his paw surgically removed. He is currently being treated for heart worms. I have to walk him for over an hour every day so that he can burn energy. Through all of this, I have vowed to love him. This is a very expensive and time-consuming relationship so far, but he is worth it.
The lengths I have gone to both financially and physically to care for Emmett made me think about my human relationships. We are now in 2020, a decade where hookup culture, purely digital interaction, and instant gratification are rampant. Caring for my dog over the last year has forced me to slow down and appreciate what life has to offer in more ways than one.
Loving Emmett has reduced my anxiety.
George and I don’t live together yet, so it’s just Emmett and me in my humble abode. Due to a few unexpected tragedies prior to Em’s adoption, my anxiety was at an all time high when he entered my life.
I looked at my dog one day and realized that I had a home and had already started a family with my little guy. Having a boyfriend at the time of Em’s adoption was incredible, but I felt even safer with my dog next to me at all times. Em always listens and sides with me on the important things (like George does), but Em was available 24/7.
Emmett sleeping next to me throughout the night was especially important with my panic attacks. One night soon after his adoption, I woke up and was having terrible flashbacks to the summer before. I tried to slow my breathing, but my mind had convinced me that death was imminent. Emmett noticed my struggle and placed his head on my stomach. My breathing fell back to a normal pace, and I was able to fall asleep. He patiently looked up at me and then closed his eyes.
Sometimes all you need is for someone to assure you it’s okay, even they don’t say it out loud.
Being Emmett’s mom made everyday inconveniences seem so small and insignificant. This saved my relationship with my fiancé.
Ask George about my anxiety or my temper, and he will likely smile and tell you that it’s improved.
That’s mostly due to my dog.
Adopting Emmett presented a major learning curve in handling tough moments. In short, I learned that things in life don’t usually go as planned. I began to understand how my rigid, packed schedule wasn’t doing my health or anxiety any favors.
The world wasn’t going to end just because I needed to give myself more flexibility. I was faced with the reality that my dog was a dog, people were people, and situations would come and go.
I changed my schedule around to exercise at my Barre studio and with Emmett. I started cleaning my apartment twice as often, and I allotted extra money for dog toys, treats, and veterinary care. I cleaned thousands of goose feathers off my carpet and furniture when Emmett destroyed a down feather pillow and then smiled through the sudden “blizzard” in my snow globe of a living room late one evening. I had to be flexible, because I couldn’t lose my temper in front of my dog, the innocent creature who thought he was just playing. Emmett flashed the immunity of unconditional love like a shield. I took a breath.
I also couldn’t lose my temper in front of my “hooman” best friend, my fiancé. He had the unconditional love immunity, too.
George and I are opposites that attracted right away. He is the laid back, fun, but dedicated man who amazes me every day. I am his hard working, driven, compulsive, and high-strung soon-to-be wife. I’m pretty sure God made us for one another, because George came into my life at a time when I had almost completely given up on men.
That’s because other men weren’t like George. Over time, George saw all sides of me and loved me for each of them. In other relationships, I always felt like my partner was sitting on my chest, making it harder for me to breathe. George lets me do my own thing while also keeping me in check when I lose it.
Having someone love you while you lose your temper or get upset is all well and good, but here’s the thing…
You can’t keep losing it.
Having Emmett made me realize that getting my own way all the time — and then erupting when I didn’t — would eventually ruin my life and all of my relationships. There were only so many times that George could wipe the chalkboard clean before there were too many eraser marks.
Loving Emmett forces me to collect myself before the fires start. I find it easier to talk with George more openly about my anxiety and concerns in a constructive way. I’ve learned that not every issue or conflict deserves a full-fledged drama or fight. Most issues can be resolved calmly, which should be the default mode when working with your dog and in the context of a human relationship. You must choose to be happy and in control.
I’ve become financially responsible.
If you’re thinking about adopting any pet, be sure you have cash saved. According to Petfinder, the cost of owning a dog in the first year can be as high as almost $2,500, assuming that your dog is generally healthy. Emmett is still healing from medical issues, so his care costs have exceeded this estimate.
Loving my dog so much and having this extra expense taught me how to live minimally. I prioritize my health, my rent, and my dog. If I have a surplus during any given month, I treat myself or save for my wedding or a vacation. I’m still learning how to budget more effectively, but I have had to plan for unexpected expenses when owning a pet.
I understand that pet ownership isn’t for everyone, but if you’re at a place in your life to adopt an animal, I encourage you to do so. Loving a pet like I would a child is a lot of work, but it forces me to step outside of myself and appreciate the people in my life even more.
